


Anderson Valley Nudist Retreat

by practicalamanda



Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Public Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25779850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/practicalamanda/pseuds/practicalamanda
Summary: A series of one shots. warnings for...well nudity.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm migrating some of my old stories over to keep them more organized and accessible. This story is really dumb. You were warned.

Blaine had always had a fascination with clothes. Even from a very young age he was intrigued to no end by the fashion models in the glossy magazines his Mom kept by the pool. He would stare at the flashy displays in shop windows any time his parents took him into town. And, whenever he was given the chance he would spend hours putting together outfits of his own.

For most people, their sense of style was a way of expressing themselves. This was true for Blaine, but even more than that, his love of clothes was practically a _rebellion_. One might call it a taste of forbidden fruit.

Well, the word forbidden might be a little strong, but showing off his growing collection of polos and bow ties was generally frowned upon at _Anderson Valley Nudist Retreat_ , where Blaine spent most of his formative years. It's why he never minded the Dalton uniform. Sure, it was stuffy and repetitive, but at least it was _clothin_ g.

"My goodness, I'm hot just looking at you!" Blaine was greeted by Matilda, one of the community's longest standing residents when he made his way into the library/game room where he was supposed to be meeting up with his parents.

Blaine did his best not to roll his eyes, "I've only just got in from school, ma'am. I'm afraid I have to wear the uniform there," he said, hoping that his tone came off as cheeky and charming as opposed to irritated. He loved his family, and he would always love and appreciate the residents that had become his support system through his unsuccessful tenure in the public school system (before his transfer to Dalton), but just because his parents were nudists didn't mean he had to be a nudist.

It wasn't even a matter of comfort for him. There was literally no way he could grow up in this type of environment and not be comfortable with his body, but the longer he spent in the 'real world', boarding at Dalton, the more he found himself to be his most comfortable while wearing clothes.

"Blainey!" he heard his mother's delighted voice from the other side of the room, freeing him from the conversation with Matilda "It's so good to see you!" she exclaimed, stepping down from where she was shelving some books in the gardening section and giving him a hug. "Come sit!"

Blaine was grateful that his mother no longer commented when he neglected to take off his uniform when visiting. He knew that she quietly disapproved of the whole thing, but she loved him and knew that, at the end of the day, he should be allowed to do what he wants. "It's good to see you too, Mom," he said, "where's dad?"

"He had to go take care of a plumbing emergency in the Green's homestead, but he'll be back in time for dinner. I'm making your favorite," she said. "But you said over the phone you had something to tell us. Should we wait for him or can you tell me now?" she asked, body leaning forward in anticipation.

"Oh…um…I suppose there's no point in waiting," he said, "I guess I'll just come right out with it. I uh…I have a boyfriend, and I've been seeing him for a few months now. His name is Kurt," he said, smiling softly at the thought of the boy who had slowly but surely stolen his heart.

"Oh, honey that's wonderful!" Mrs. Anderson said smiling, "when do we get to meet him?"

Blaine blanched suddenly. It wasn't that the idea of Kurt meeting his parents had never crossed his mind. Heck, he'd been present for his fair share of Hummel Friday night dinners, but the idea of bringing Kurt—his Kurt—shy, blushing Kurt to _Anderson Valley_ for a visit was a daunting one to say the least, "um…I'm not sure we're quite there yet," the lie weighed heavily on his conscience, "but um…I'll let you know, okay? Why don't you tell me about some of those new books you were shelving?"


	2. The One With the Touchy Subject

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of one shots. warnings for...well nudity.

Blaine is dreading the day when it comes time for him to apply to performing arts schools. It's not the auditioning or the portfolios he'll inevitably have to put together that has him nervous, but rather the one question that he's bound to be asked on all the applications. A question that frankly, he's already asked by friends and relatives, the school guidance counselor, and apparently his own boyfriend.

"When did you know you wanted to be a performer?" Kurt asked one evening. They were lying together in the grass in Kurt's backyard, waxing poetic about the future they would build together in New York. They were on the college portion of the timeline, and Blaine had just revealed that it had always been his dream to go to theater school—even from a young age.

Blaine knew that he could trust Kurt. He knew in his heart of hearts that he would never judge him for the way he was raised, but it had been months at this point, and the longer he waiting to tell him, the harder it got.

Thankfully, the fact that Kurt had never been to Blaine's home hadn't come up yet. If they were in Westerville, then they would always choose the privacy of Dalton. Not to mention the fact that he and Kurt were only just navigating the dynamics of 'south of the equator'. There was no need to complicate that unnecessarily.

All of that being the case, Blaine had no idea how to explain to his boyfriend of four months that he had fallen in love with the stage when he was six years old, and his parents took him to the community's production of Hair (and yes, the underlying comedy of a nudist colony's production of Hair was completely lost on a six year old Blaine).

While it certainly led to his love of music and acting, what really sparked little Blaine attention was the costumes—all kinds of costumes; suits, flow-y dresses, suede jackets. Of course, there was some nudity in the show, but for the most part the people up on stage got to wear all of those beautiful, colorful clothes, and Blaine wanted to do that too.

Blaine announced the next day that he wanted to be a hippie when he grew up, and his parents explained that what he probably meant was that he wanted to be an actor. He was in music lessons the next month, and while his parents probably could have just bought him a pair of bellbottoms and called it a day, his love for the stage blossomed from there.

The questions was, how to explain it to his boyfriend, "Oh…um…it was when I was little. My parents took me to a musical and it was love as first sight I suppose," Blaine said, hoping Kurt wouldn't push any further.

"What show?" Kurt said, asking the obvious question.

Blaine sighed, "um…Hair?" he replied, shrugging, even though Kurt couldn't see that from where he was lying adjacent to Blaine. At least Blaine was blissfully unable to see Kurt's face. He did however hear him burst into a cackling laughter. "What? It's a good show," Blaine said defensively.

"Honey, of course it is," Kurt said, turning onto his side so they could be face to face, "but it's not exactly the kind of show I would take a young child. How old were you?"

"I don't know, like six?" Blaine said again, still phrasing everything as a question. "And it's not that bad. I mean, I didn't get the drug references, and all of the references to sexual acts went right over my head."

"Fair enough," Kurt replied, "but that show has a lengthy and famous nude scene. Surely you must have noticed that.

And in that moment, Blaine felt something he had never experienced before: defensiveness, defensiveness about his parent's lifestyle and the lifestyle he had been raised with. Sure, Blaine was opting out in his semi-adult life, but that didn't mean he felt no protectiveness and love for the people who had made him the man he is today.

It had probably always been there in the back of his mind, but nudity was a subject that he had been resolutely avoiding ever since he got out in the real world, for fear that he might have to reveal something he wasn't ready to reveal, especially with Kurt. But now that it was being brought up directly, Blaine felt indignation bubble up in his chest, "yeah, and what's wrong with that?" he said before he could stop himself, folding his arms and furrowing his brow.

"Wait, what?" Kurt said, sitting up and pulling Blaine up beside him, "I mean…nothing? I guess…but like, for a child? I just don't think it's appropriate," he added, looking at Blaine like he had grown an extra head.

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, Blaine thought, "I'm assuming you were breast fed, right?" Blaine said, suddenly hearing himself parrot the arguments he had heard his parents make over and over again. "What happened between the ages of zero and eighteen months that suddenly made it not okay for you to see your parents so called 'private parts?'"

"Okay, whoa, slow down Tiger," Kurt said, holding his hands up in front of him, "what's gotten into you. I've obviously hit a nerve, but I actually have no idea what you're talking about. Are we still talking about Hair?"

Blaine kept his arms folded and let out an indignant huff, "look it doesn't matter. Can we just change the subject?" Blaine asked. And Kurt knew him well enough at this point to know that if Blaine wasn't ready to talk about something, then no amount of prodding would change that. Kurt would just have to be patient.

"Um…okay…I just," Kurt bit his lip, unsure how to react to Blaine's outburst and sudden reticence on the subject, "just, you know you can tell me things, right?"

Blaine sighed, and finally unfurled his arms to a less aggressive stance. "I…of course I do. Can we just…" Blaine pointed back towards to grass indicating they should lie down again.

Kurt obliged, but couldn't help but add one more thing, "you know, you'd make a fantastic Claude."


	3. The One with the Eyebrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of one shots. warnings for...well nudity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very much a crack verse, so we're going to pretend that it's not 2 degrees in Ohio in November. I'm actually toying with the idea of re-conning the entire thing to take place in Miami.

"I'm sorry, but this is not just the worst idea that you've ever had, but it's probably the worst idea that _anyone_ has ever had," Blaine said, staring warily into the container of oil. "I don't care how many episodes of _Good Eats_ you've watched."

"Come on, Blainey," Cooper said, wiping his garlic rub covered hands on his apron (the only protective layer between him and the oil he was planning to fry the turkey in. "Don't be such a grandma. We make the turkey your way _every year_. Give someone else a chance."

Blaine rolled his eyes, "this isn't about control, Coop. It's about my desire to avoid being a burn victim," he said. "Haven't you read the horror stories. Being picked up by an EMT in nothing but an apron is _so_ not worth the time you save by deep frying a turkey."

It was Cooper's turn to roll his eyes, "first of all, the EMTs would probably have to cut you out of your clothes anyway. Second of all, we're outside, we have a fire extinguisher nearby, and I'm doing all the work, so stop whining."

Blaine folded his arms petulantly, and adamantly refused to allow the deep frown to leave his face. Almost since he could hold a mixing spoon, Blaine had been heavily involved in the preparations for the Thanksgiving meal in the community. Since he could remember he and his mother had gotten up at three in the morning to begin the brining and defrosting process, but this year, Cooper had taken over.

He had pitched the idea of deep frying the bird starting all the way back in July, and after extensive research and almost five months of nudging, Mrs. Anderson decided to lethim. 'You still get to do all the sides how you like, sweetie', she had said to appease Blaine, but it had done almost nothing to calm his worries over the safety of frying something so large.

"Let's just leave him to it," Sam said tugging on Blaine's apron strings and forcibly pulling him away from the fryer. Sam was one of the only other kids Blaine's age that lived full time in the community, and he had been Blaine's best friend practically since they were both born. "If he's going to be an idiot, let him be an idiot alone," he added.

"I guess," Blaine conceded with a heavy sigh, "but he better not come crying to me when he singes off all of his hair."

0000000000

There are few things that Blaine loves more than proving his older brother wrong. Now, he would never actually wish ill health on Cooper, but once in a while, it was nice to see him taken down a few pegs.

Blaine was bent over putting the green bean casserole in the oven when he heard Sam's voice from behind him, "Well, at least it's not _all_ of your hair."

Blaine spun around in time to see Cooper place the fully cooked bird on the kitchen table. Even he had to admit, it looked crispy and cooked to perfection. Upon further inspection of his brother however, Blaine felt laughter bubbling up his throat, "oh my god, Cooper," Blaine choked up between heaving guffaws, "what the hell happened to your eye brows?"

That year, Blaine thought the turkey was delicious—crispy and juicy from deep frying, and with the extra sweetness of being right.


	4. The One With Blaine's Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of one shots. warnings for...well nudity.

Blaine had always prided himself on his ability to keep his Dalton life separate from his home life. In fact, he didn't run into a situation of direct interaction between the two until a few months into his relationship with Kurt.

The trappings of his parent's life may not have been Blaine's 'thing' per say, but there was still something to be said for a weekend home, and he did find a certain comfort in Anderson Valley's dress code (or lack thereof). Blaine always thought of it this way; you can eat vegetables without being a vegetarian. You can enjoy being naked without being a nudist.

Not to mention, being home meant that he could take advantage of the full kitchen that he always missed living in the dorms—with an apron for safety of course. Blaine was just tying his mother's 'never cook bacon naked' apron around his waist when he heard his phone ringing on the counter. The ringtone told him that it was his boyfriend.

"Hello," Blaine answered immediately, obviously without thinking as this was the first time he ever talked to Kurt naked—even if it was over the phone.

"Hey there," Kurt said cheerily from the other end, "how's it going at chateau Anderson? Are you having a nice time with your family?" Kurt asked.

Blaine tucked the phone between his ear and his shoulder so he could continue the process of cooking breakfast, busying himself to avoid thinking of the sheer nakedness of it all, "um...it's been good. I'm just making breakfast right now," Blaine said, cracking an egg and gently pouring it into the hot pan.

"What are you making this time? I still dream of those orange cranberry muffins you brought back after Thanksgiving break," Kurt said, Blaine could here him flipping through a magazine in the background. He loved that they had such an easy friendship and relationship. Chatting with Kurt was so natural, it was easy to forget that he was keeping a huge secret from him—too easy.

"Just some eggs and bacon," Blaine replied, opening the package and separating the strips to go in the pan next to the eggs. "It's my dad's favor—holy crap, OW!" Blaine shouted right into the phone, quickly dropping it on the counter along with the rest of the bacon and running to the sink to splash water on his shoulder. "Sorry, sorry, bacon grease splatter," Blaine said into the phone while still attempting to sooth his shoulder where he remained un-protected from bacon grease.

"Oh my god, you can't just do that to a person," Kurt scolded into the phone. "I thought something really terrible had happened. And anyway, what are you even doing making bacon shirtless? No wonder you got burned."

Blaine nearly choked on air at that questions. In retrospect, Blaine would see this as the perfect opportunity to come clean. And to be frank, how many times in your life does your boyfriend give you the perfect segue-way to explain that you aren't just shirtless, you're naked, and that's how you spent your entire young life, "I don't know. I just woke up," is what actually ended up coming out of his mouth.

"Well, put on a shirt next time. You know I'll love you no matter what, but I like your skin the way it is," Kurt teased. "Anyway, there is a reason I called, besides the charming conversation. You left your wallet in my car from our date the other night. I'm assuming you don't want to go the whole weekend without it?"

"Oh thanksyou! I hadn't even realized it was missing," Blaine said, placing the rest of the food in the pan (gently this time). "Do you want to meet at the Lima Bean in a few hours? Or, I can just come pick it up if you—."

"I was...I was actually sort of hoping I could come bring it to you. It's just I've never seen where you grew up or met your parents or anything, and I..." Kurt tapered off for a minute, unsure how to continue, "You're really special to me Blaine, and I'd love to finally meet them."

Blaine was quiet for a moment, totally unsure what to say, "I...Kurt I..."

"Unless you're not ready!" Kurt said quickly, obviously noticing Blaine's discomfort. "I just thought—."

"No, no you're right. You should meet them," Blaine replied. "I want you to meet them. It's just...They're sort of...they're not what you would expect, I think."

"What do you think I'm expecting?" Kurt asked with an easy laugh. "Muffy and Blaine Sr., regulars at the country club and Lily Pulitzer and Brooks Brother's biggest customers respectively?" Kurt asked, affecting a, uppity, posh accent. "I know you're a prep school boy, but it doesn't mean I think your parents are uptight. Don't forget, I'm a prep school boy and my Dad's a mechanic."

"I'm...really not worried you'll think their uptight..."

0000000000

"Oh my goodness, Blaine honey, why didn't you tell us you bagged such a cutie!" Mrs. Anderson said, swooping in, and giving Kurt a bone crushing hug and a wet kiss on the cheek. Blaine had convinced Kurt not to come to Anderson Valley that day, deciding to meet at the Lime Been instead. But, it was only under the condition that the four of them would go to dinner at Breadstix the next week.

"Nice one son," Blaine's Dad stage whispered, nudging his son with a wink. "Nice to meet you, kiddo," Mr, Anderson said, turning his attention to Kurt and giving him a slightly less forceful hug.

"It's um...it's nice to meet you too," Kurt said, looking slightly alarmed, but smiling none the less. Blaine had convinced his mother that they shouldn't host the dinner at the resort, forcing everyone to be fully clothed, but his dad was wearing one of his strange billowy dress shirts that he had purchased on a trip to Argentina, and his mother looked like she was ready to head to a folk music festival.

Blaine adjusted his bow tie and prayed to whoever might be listening that his parents would keep their promise to let Blaine be the one to tell Kurt about the retreat when he was ready, "shall we?" he said with a sigh, anxious to be sitting down where the menus would present a welcome distraction.

Kurt, for his part, still looked like he was in a state of shock, but was making a valiant effort not to show it, "that sounds good. Let's grab that corner booth."

"So, Blaine tells us you're a singer as well," Mr. Anderson said, once they were all settled in and the drinks had been ordered.

"Oh, um...yeah. We're in the Warblers together," Kurt said, taking a sip of his coke. "He and I had a duet during regionals. We didn't win, but..."

"We were robbed," Blaine said nudging Kurt with his shoulder and giving him a smile.

"Well aren't you two sweet," Mrs. Anderson said, smiling into her iced tea. Blaine and Kurt immediately looked down and blushed, "no need to be embarrassed kids, young love is a beautiful thing—as long as you play safe," she said with a wink, taking another sip of tea. She could admit that she enjoyed embarrassing her son a little bit...or a lot a bit.

Blaine had never seen a spit take in real life before, but he guessed there was a first time for everything as coke sprayed out of Kurt's mouth, "mom!" Blaine exclaimed.

"Now, now, hon don't embarrass the poor kids," Blaine's Dad admonished half heartedly, an amused smirk on his face.

"Mrs. Anderson, I we're not...I...Blaine and I aren't..." Kurt sputtered.

"No need to be embarrassed sweetheart. I'm just saying that at your age it's perfectly natural to be curious," she said with a shrug.

"Uh...Mom, not everyone is as uh...open as you and Dad are," Blaine said through gritted teeth, wondering where the hell the waiter was.

Blaine felt a hand on his knee, "it's alright," he reassured Blaine. Kurt wasn't any more ready for sex than he was before, but since having 'the talk' with his own father, he had a new appreciation for parents who were open and understanding enough to broach those topics with their gay son. "I'm...um, I'm glad you guys are so..."

"Accepting?" Mr. Anderson offered.

"Yeah," Kurt agreed. "I must confess, it took Blaine so long to introduce us, I was a little worried that...well, that he didn't want his parents to know he had a boyfriend."

"As opposed to a girlfriend?" Mr. Anderson guessed. Kurt nodded, a bit embarrassed at his confession, "our children are free to be whomever they want, as long as they aren't hurting anyone or themselves. We have no problem with um...alternative lifestyles," he said, side eyeing his wife who was holding in a laugh, "but I don't see being gay as one. Trying to find a partner who you love and want to spend your life with seems pretty standard to us," he said squeezing his wife's hand on the table.

Blaine's gave his dad a soft smile as the waiter came over to take their order.

0000000000

After dinner, Blaine's parents went home, and Kurt drove he and Blaine to the local park for an evening walk, "so that was interesting," Kurt said, looping his arm through Blaine's and giving him a wry smile. Blaine was about to respond, and probably apologize for not giving Kurt more warning about his parents, but Kurt didn't let him, "and wonderful. Your parents are great," he reassured.

Blaine smiled and squeezed Kurt's arm, "they thought you were pretty great, too," he said, leading them to a nearby bench to sit down, "Kurt, I...I just wanted to tell you that...I love you," Blaine said softly.

"I love you, too," Kurt replied, soaking in the first time they exchanged those word.

Blaine took Kurt's hand, "I'm so happy to hear that, and that's why I want to tell you something I've barely told anyone else before," Blaine said taking a deep calming breath.

"Is everything okay?" Kurt asked, panic seeping into his voice.

"Yeah, everything's great, I just...there's no easy way to say this," Blaine said, reaching for a pamphlet from his bag that he had taken earlier, on the off chance that he would work up the courage for this tonight. "There's a...reason—that I've never taken you to my parents house before."

Kurt cocked his head in confusion, "Blaine you know you can tell me anything. I'm not going to—,"

"Just, take a look at this," Blaine said, cutting him off so he wouldn't lose his nerve, and handing him a brochure that his parents used for marketing purposes.

"Anderson Valley Nudist Retreat?" Kurt said, confusion in his voice. "What is this?

"That's my parents resort. They've been running it fro close to thirty years," Blaine said, as calmly as he could, "and...it's where I grew up."

Kurt looked down at the pamphlet and then back up at Blaine several times, "I..." he said trailing off, not really sure what to say next.

"I know I should have told you sooner. I just didn't know how, and I'm really sorry for springing it on you right after such a big night, but I thought I should just do it you know? Pull the bandaid off, and...please say something?" Blaine said, realizing he was rambling.

"I...," Kurt started again. He had an odd expression on his face, but Blaine was happy to see that it wasn't one of anger. "I just have so many questions."


	5. The One with Sam and Burt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of one shots. warnings for...well nudity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important reminder that this is a CRACK fic, and that I re-conned it to take place in Miami. Can't give all that body-ody-ody in the dead of Ohio winter.

"So all things considered, it sounds like he took it well," Sam said, taking a sip of his coconut water and laying back down on his lawn chair. He and Blaine were taking a much needed respite from mowing the grounds in the stifling Miami heat and sitting poolside. Ordinarily their parents would scold them for taking chairs from paying guests, but it was early in the season and there weren't too many people around yet.

Blaine rolled his head to face Sam more fully, his eyebrows almost as his hairline, "if you call five full minutes of silence followed by the repeated opening and closing of his mouth 'taking it well' then yes, you're absolutely right," Blaine said, picking at a loose thread on the towel he had put underneath him (basic nudist etiquette).

"He was surprised, B," Sam said sympathetically. "You can't really blame him, and he told you—"

"—no, Sam, he was hurt," Blaine interrupted. "and you're right, I can't really blame him. I'm an idiot for thinking it was okay to hide something so big from him."

"And he told you that he loved still loved you no matter what, but that you would need to sit down and talk about everything once he had a chance to sleep on it," Sam said, finishing his sentence from before.

Blaine sighed dramatically, and ran a hand through his hair that was now coming loose due to the heat, "I'm screwed."

"You're a drama queen," Sam parried, taking another swig from his drink. "Look, it could have been a lot worse. He can forgive you for taking so long for coming clean. It would only be a real problem if he had some sort of fundamental issues with nudity which it seems like he doesn't," he added.

"That's what Cooper said," Blaine mumbled, hating it when his real brother and his pseudo-brother ganged up on him without even meaning to. It happened with alarming frequency.

"Smart guy your brother," Sam said, getting up and stretching, "now stop sulking and come swimming with me," he said cannonballing into the pool.

0000000000

Burt sat across from his son at the kitchen table, toast laying untouched between them, "I'm sorry...what?" he said, relatively certain he had misheard his teenaged son.

"Blaine's family owns and operates a—"

"Yeah, that's what I thought you said," Burt said, cutting Kurt off.

"Pamphlet?" Kurt asked, sliding a shiny packet towards him in a moment eerily similar to one they had in the reverse a few months earlier.

Burt raised an eyebrow at his son, but obediently picked up the brochure to take a look. _Anderson Valley Nudist Colony: A Place to be Free_ was written in glossy red letters on the front, a group of people with strategically placed duffle bags and suitcases gracing the cover. And Burt couldn't help it, it bubbled up before he knew what was happening and suddenly he was laughing, and not just a chuckle, a full bodied belly laugh, "I'm sorry kid, but when you told me you had to talk about Blaine this is _not_ what I was expecting," Burt gasped out between laughs.

Kurt rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but let out a laugh himself, "I don't know what to do, dad," he said quietly, hoping for a dose of Burt Hummel wisdom.

Burt finally calmed himself and gave his son a long look, "you love this kid, right?"

Kurt looked back at his father, an unreadable expression on his face. He hadn't told his dad about the confessions of the night before, but Burt knew his son inside and out. "Yeah, Dad, I really do."

"And his home life doesn't change that?" Burt asked, even though he knew the answer. Kurt shook his head. "Well then, there's only one thing _to_ do," Burt replied. "Go tell him!"

Kurt laughed a little and smiled, "you're right," he said, getting up to go to his room before going to find Blaine.

"My two favorite words," Burt said, finally taking a bite of toast. "Oh, and Kurt?" Kurt turned around and faced his father again, "at least you don't have to worry about what to wear," he said, once again bursting into a fit of laughter.


	6. The One With the Old College Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of one shots. warnings for...well nudity.

The first thing Kurt noticed when he pulled up to Anderson Valley was how beautiful the grounds were. The dirt road that led to the main building was covered with lush greenery and gorgeous wildflowers. The second thing he noticed was who he assumed was the groundskeeper waiving a hose over the front lawn wearing nothing but gardening gloves and a mustache.

"Oh my god," Kurt mumbled to himself. "What have I gotten myself into." Kurt had spent no small amount of time thinking over every aspect of how the day would go: what the resort would be like, what he would say to Blaine, and despite his fathers jokes, what he would wear. The one thing that had remained in the abstract was nakedness of it all. The whimsical nature of the pamphlet and his fathers laughter had made it much easier to forget that in all actuality he would probably see more naked people today than he had ever seen in his entire life combined.

Not to mention that in all likelihood, this would be the first time that he would see Blaine naked. It wasn't that he had never thought about his boyfriend like that before, but the circumstances he imagined were different to say the least.

Kurt found a parking space relatively quickly, and took the opportunity to take a few calming breaths. He could do this! He was Kurt Hummel, and if there was one thing that Blaine taught him it was that he had courage to spare.

He walked towards the brightly colored main house that had a sign reading "welcome center" over the front. He probably could have just called Blaine to come out, but he didn't want Blaine to feel like he had to hide anything about his life anymore. He especially didn't want Blaine to talk him into leaving and meeting him somewhere else.

"Um…hello?" Kurt called out towards the front desk. Almost immediately an older woman in a chunky knit cardigan and red cat eye reading glasses (and nothing else) shuffled out from the office.

"Well, hello there!" she said cheerily, "Welcome to Anderson Valley. Do you have a reservation, or is this a spur of the moment visit?" she asked, wide smile plastered on her face.

Kurt couldn't help but return her infectious smile, "oh um…I'm not really a guest. I'm a…well a friend of the family," Kurt finally decided on.

"Oh well Mr. and Mrs. Anderson are out to lunch right now, but they'll be back soon," she said kindly.

"No, um…I'm actually a friend of Blaine's," he said, shifting his weight from foot to foot hoping he was doing the right thing.

"Oh!" she said, her eyes lighting up even more at the sound of Blaine's name. "You must be one if his friends from school! We just love Blaine around here," she said. "He was supposed to be working on the grounds all day with his friend Sam, but it's mid day so I'm willing to bet they're taking a break in the pool by now," she said with a wink. "I'm sure you could go join them. Do you know the way?"

Kurt couldn't keep his cheeks from pinking, "um…no, I've never been. This is my first time," he said.

"Well, you must be someone special if Blaine is sharing Anderson Valley with you," she said with a wink. "Why don't you just take this map. You'll find towels poolside."

Kurt felt a small pool of guilt in the pit of his stomach. Blaine hadn't exactly chosen to bring Kurt here per say. He wanted to come as a show of support, but it hadn't really occurred to him that Blaine might not be ready to have Kurt as a visitor yet. He was just considering going back home and forgetting the whole thing when he felt the map pressed into his hand, "don't worry so much, honey. This is a judgement free zone"

Kurt looked up at her and realized that she probably mistook his nerves to be about taking his clothes off—the reminder of which only made him more nervous, "of…of course," he said, giving her one last smile and walking back out the door. One thing was for sure, today would be very interesting.

0000000000

Despite his nerves, Kurt found his way to the poolside changing rooms fairly easily, managing to successfully avoid eye contact with the few patrons who crossed his path. His journey out of the locker room reminded him of the episode of Golden Girls where they accidentally booked a vacation at a nudist resort—he clutched desperately to his towel and resisted the urge to sing Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini under his breath.

It wasn't hard to spot Blaine and his friend. It was still early in the Miami tourist season, and there wasn't anyone else swimming at the moment. He was a bit shocked to find just how not shocking it was to see Blaine without any clothes. Of course he was gorgeous, all bronzed skin and compact muscle, but he exuded a comfort that Kurt recognized immediately as distinctly Blaine, a comfort that always made Kurt feel relaxed as well.

"I think there's a newbie by the locker room," Kurt heard Blaine's blonde (and frankly gorgeous) friend say. Kurt assumed that must have been Sam.

The two of them were floating in the middle of the pool on brightly colored rafts, "how can you tell?" Blaine replied, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Well, for one he's gripping his towel like a prized possession," Sam replied, "and two, he's been standing at the threshold of the locker room for the past ten minutes. Can't really see his face, but he looks like he could be around our age."

"Maybe his parents made him come or something," Blaine guessed, knowing a thing or two about having outrageous parents.

Kurt decided this was his cue, it was now or never, "actually," he said stepping out of the shadows. "I came on my own."

Blaine shot up so fast he completely flipped off the the raft and into the water, "Kurt?" he said shooting up out of the water and sputtering, eyes wide. "Wh-what are you doing here?" he said, there was no accusation in his tone, only pure confusion.

"I just…I wanted to see you," he replied, not sure what else to say. "You weren't answering your phone," he said weakly, firmly keeping his eyes on Blaine's face.

"No pockets," Sam quipped, only to be splashed generously by Blaine.

Blaine swam up to the edge of the pool to get closer to Kurt who gingerly sat on the side with his feet dangling in the water. He folded his arms over Kurt's towel clad lap, and looked adoringly up at his face—big brown eyes wide in a way that always made Kurt melt, "you always zig when I think you're going to zag, and I just…love that about you.

0000000000

Sam easily agreed to cover for Blaine with the groundskeeper so he could take Kurt somewhere to talk, and the two were seated next to each other in one of the covered bungalows near the pool area. By some sort of silent agreement, they both pulled their boxers back on.

"So…" Kurt started, not really sure what to say, "this is where you grew up? It's quite the…slice of paradise," Kurt finally decided on.

Blaine chuckled, and put an arm around his boyfriend, allowing him to snuggle into his side, "it was an experience for sure. One I'm grateful for, but…" Blaine laid his head on top of Kurt's, choosing his words properly, "I love my family and this place is an amazing escape from reality, but it's not really the lifestyle I want for myself. That's why I'm always so reluctant to tell people about it."

Kurt turned his head, and kissed Blaine on the neck, "you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," Kurt said, bursting into bright laughter.

Blaine giggled along with him, "you're must be the bravest boy in Florida," he whispered once their laugher died down. "I'm glad we're on the same page about not wanting this lifestyle for our futures, but the fact that you were willing to try it, it means a lot to me."

"I would do anything for you, Blaine," Kurt said easily. "You should know that by now. And you're right, this isn't where I would choose to live, but to visit…I think maybe…I could learn to enjoy it once in a while," he admitted. "Especially if all of your friends look like Sam," Kurt quipped, squealing when he felt Blaine's fingers dig into his sides for some ruthless tickling.

"Say I'm the cutest boy you know!" Blaine shouted as Kurt tried to wriggle away from his fingers.

"You're the cutest boy I know!" Kurt shouted between gasps for air and loud guffaws, his breath calming as Blaine's tickling slowly turned into a gentle caress. "I love you," Kurt said, looking deeply into Blaine's eyes, relishing the moment.

"I love you, too," Blaine said, planting a firm kiss on his boyfriend's lips, "and for the record, you're the cutest boy I know, too."


	7. The One With the Upcoming Nuptials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of one shots. warnings for...well nudity.

"Are you kidding or do you have sun stroke?" Kurt said, pushing his sunglasses on top of his head. He had been sitting poolside at Anderson Valley for the last hour and a half while Blaine was off helping his Dad with some simple repairs around the resort.

A lot had changed since the two of them were in high school. They were both living in New York, pursuing their respective careers (Blaine as a music teachers and Kurt as a fashion designer) with the type of zeal that only a recent graduate can truly capture, and making a life together. The awkward days of high school were behind them, but one thing hadn't changed, they were still as in love as ever and they had recently become engaged.

Ever summer, when Blaine was off from his job at an elementary school, and Kurt managed to score a few weeks off from his job at Vogue, they would travel back to Miami for a much needed respite from Manhattan, "I'm not advocating for it, I just thought I would let you know that they offered," Blaine said, holding his hands up in surrender.

"I have spent the last three months pouring over fabric samples and my sketch book so that I could make us the most fabulous wedding tuxes the world has ever seen," Kurt said, sitting up and poking his finger in the middle of Blaine's chest, "we are _not_ under any circumstances getting married at a nudist colony."

"I understand what your saying honey, but you know we don't have to have a nude wedding just because it's here," Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand from where it was still on his chest and attempting to soothe his fiance, "I just thought that since we decided to get married in Miami to be closer to our families, it might be nice to consider a free location. You'd have even more money for your fabulous suits," he said kissing the back of Kurt's hand.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at him, "why do you have to be so charming and so infuriating at the same time," he said, huffing and lying back down on the lawn chair. "Look, I'll think about it, okay? I appreciate what you're parents are offering to do for us, but I have reservations, _a lot_ of reservations," he added.

"And I'm right there with you," Blaine said quickly, lying down on his own chair. "It's just after the conversation we had about budget the other day, it seemed like an offer we couldn't refuse," Blaine turned to face Kurt again, "I want to be able to give you the wedding of your dreams, and neither one of us wants to cut corners on things like music and food."

Kurt's thoughts drifted to the fat binder of wedding ideas that he had been compiling since he was a kid. He knew there was some truth to what Blaine was saying, and Anderson Valley was _beautiful_. A much bigger and nicer location than they would be able to afford otherwise, but there were so many reasons and ways in which a family wedding could go wrong at the Anderson's resort. For some reason the disturbing image of his great aunt Sally playing naked tether ball was now flashing before his eyes.

"I can practically hear you thinking," Blaine said softly, running a hand down Kurt's bare side.

Kurt stopped the movement of Blaine's hand and curled their fingers together, "when would we need to give them an answer? How long do we have to decide?" he asked.

"I'm sure they're willing to give us as much time as we need," Blaine replied, "we're not getting married until next summer. Take all the time you need."

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"Mind if I join you?" Mrs. Anderson asked. Kurt was sitting by himself in the Anderson's kitchen, sipping on a cup of tea and absentmindedly flipping through a magazine. Blaine was off with Sam having a 'bro night'.

"Not at all," Kurt said, closing his magazine, and gesturing for his future mother in law to sit across from him. "It's your house after all," Kurt said with a chuckle.

It struck kurt momentarily (not for the first time) that most people would find it incomprehensible that he was sitting comfortably with his fiance's mother while both of them were mostly nude (Mrs. Anderson's chunky cardigan the only exception). It was a funny thing, living mostly in mainstream society, but partly in this one. It was something that Blaine was more familiar with by about 15 years, but Kurt liked to think that he was almost entirely assimilated. He loved the time he spent at the resort and he loved Blaine's family like it was his own—heck in a year they _would_ be his own, but he still wasn't sure he could get married here.

"Blaine told me the two of you talked about our offer to host your wedding," she said without any preamble. Kurt opened his mouth as if to respond, but he found that he wasn't really sure what to say. "Don't worry I'm not expecting you to respond right away," she said, almost like she could read his thoughts.

"Don't get me wrong, I can't tell you how grateful we are for our generosity, it's just..." Kurt said, trying to express his concerns without offending his fiance's mother.

"It's just that there's only one penis you want to see on your wedding day?" She asked, smirking into her own cup.

Kurt nearly did a spit take, but managed to hold it together as he was used to the Anderson's lack of filter, "that's one way of putting it, yes," he said, laughing with her once he got over the initial shock.

"You know, Blaine's dad and I didn't have a nude wedding," she said, setting her cup in the saucer. Kurt knew that they had met in a colony in Key West before running Anderson Valley, but he didn't know much else about the early days of their relationship or their wedding. "I wanted the fancy dress, and Chris wanted to give me anything I wanted. We practically spent our entire lives naked. I wanted my wedding day to be special."

Kurt smiled at the similarities between father and son, "that's pretty much what Blaine said. He said he wants to give me the wedding of my dreams."

Mrs. Anderson smiled softly at the lovestruck look on Kurt's face, "well, Chris and I want the same thing," she said. "We talked about it and we spoke with our permanent residents and if you decide to have your wedding here, then on August 15, 2020 Anderson Valley will be closed to the public, and even Matilda will have to wear clothes," she said with a wry smile.

Kurt's jaw dropped. The Anderson's were willing to close down their entire business for the day during the peak of tourist season, and give them a wedding free of charge, "I...I don't even know what to say," he said his chest felt full to the brim with affection for his soon to be family.

"There's no need to say anything. We want to do it," she replied, "you're our boys," she added breezily.

"You're know," Kurt said, discreetly wiping some dampness from beneath his eye, "I used to tell Carole that in a lot of ways I was lucky. Most kids only get one mom, and I got two. I had no idea that I would get even luckier. I'm about to have three!"


End file.
